Altered
A downloadable game for Windows, Linux, and Android
Our main protagonist was abducted at a very young age, 18 years later he returns to reunite with certain people. However, he is not only returning with a mysterious new look, but also with a woman named Saeko. Find out about what happened to them during his abduction and what new events await them in the present.
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Development log
- Version 0.2 is out!Aug 02, 2024
- Progress update for V0.2May 23, 2024
- Hello!Apr 21, 2024
Comments
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Hi Mr. J. Any news form the next update?
Yes, I was going to make an update last Saturday about a possible release this coming weekend, but unfortunately lost power to my house over the weekend instead. I hope to still be able to release the next update this weekend. I'm about 75% done with this update, but I've been working more hours from my main job as of late so I might need an extra week. I will shoot for this weekend, but incase I can't I should have it for next week.
That is great news! Thanks for the update.
Well, I've started playing version 0.2, and I have to agree with what was said in the previous comment. The dialogue is really hard to read, and that's mainly due to the super long sentences without any punctuation. And even the short sentences could use a comma here and there.
I then tried to fix that by editing the rpy files in my copy. That's the next point, because it's not necessary to limit each line of source code to 80 or so characters and continue on the next line.
Also, the next text that a certain character says (or thinks), the character variable must precede the dialogue text.
Then, a very common habit I see in many Renpy source texts is the misuse of jump statements that just lead to the next executed line. These jumps could either be omitted completely or replaced by a pass statement, e.g. to simply leave the menu option empty.
Okay, the last one for today. There is the possibility to increment the variable Saeko_A infinitely by always choosing the first option during the shower play without ending it. I would recommend placing the increment statement after the label jay_finger_saeko_anus and also include it in an if-clause like "if Saeko_A == 0:". This way it could only be incremented by 1 in this situation.
I'm off to place more commas and full stops. :)
Sorry it took a me a bit to reply to this,
I try to keep the grammar mistakes as minimal as possible with spellcheckers and grammar fixing programs, but they don't seem to catch everything. Honestly, I don't have any prior experience in writing or coding. I'll keep trying to improve my grammar and writing as much as I can, but I'll still probably miss a few.
Thanks for the code suggestions I'll check them out.
As I said I don't any prior experience with coding, I'm basically learning all this from google and youtube. So any advice on how to make this easier is greatly appreciated :)
In the meantime, I had time to revise my first approach to the second comment. This was also necessary to avoid it becoming TLDR, although I'm almost certain I failed at that. So this is a little bit about the obstacles that the story entails and the graphics.
Spanning a gap of 18 years can be quite a challenge if you continue to use the same models. Apart from the MC (and his sisters, of course), all the other characters don't seem to age. The most obvious example of this is Detective Tamara, who looks like she's in her twenties throughout the game.
I know it can be difficult to make the female models look like they belong to different generations, but it doesn't seem right to do this just by making the girls shorter. After all, at the age of 18 you are an adult, not only legally but also physically. Also, I'd think the heights of the characters should be consistent. Example: In the clothes store Deborah looks to be taller than her mother, whereas in other scenes it's just the opposite. And there are a few pics where Juliet seems to be about 8 inch taller than Vanessa, not so much on all others.
Alright, strange positioning: first Vanessa's feet, in the living room with the MC and Tamara. She's wearing high heels, but her feet are flat on the floor. A little later Sandra comes in, also in high heels, but her toes are sinking into the carpet (one picture), or just her shoes (another picture). The positioning of arms and legs that I noticed is simply inappropriate in the respective situation. At the beginning of the party, Sandra crosses her legs in an un-ladylike way while wearing a skirt, and in the living room, the MC holds his left arm around Saeko and puts his hand on her chest.
The last two points are about hair issues and some recommendations that are probably down to my personal taste. I noticed some pics where Vanessa, Laura and Saeko's hair gets intermixed with the clothes. I'd think Juliet's butt is a bit too much, both in the leather pants and the next day in the kitchen. And Lily would probably look better if she wasn't wearing that dark eyeshadow with her tinted black glasses. I'd recommend a very light-coloured eyeshadow and/or a thinner frame for her glasses.
I'm looking forward to the next update and hope it wasn't too much criticism.
Good luck and have fun.
I did mess around with aging characters like tamara and vanessa(after I posted V 0.1), but I couldn't really get them to look a way I would be satisfied with. I came up with an idea that will address this in the next chapter, can't give any details to it yet, but hopefully readers will enjoy it.
As for the inconsistencies of height and positioning. I am currently fixing those.
For the character proportions I can't really promise on changing that, since I would need to adjust said character for every render their in. for example I changed Juliet's sleeves(They looked like she was wearing cones) on her shirt from the party and that took me hours. I can try out your suggestion for the makeup and glasses for Lilly in future chapters.
As long as people are respectful with their critiques and input, I don't reading it no matter how long or short it is. Thanks for reading
This isn't a bad start, the major flaw I see is you need to proofread your work a lot. in visual novels the thing that players will interact with the most is the writing, so you need to double and triple check to make sure it's done well so maybe run it through a word doc before putting it in. I noticed some place where there needed to be a space and when first meets the twins, Saeko will refer to the main character as Jay even if you change his name. I suggest in future projects try to keep the cast a bit more down since it's hard to keep track of who is who when you have ten people introduced in a short time. I'll check out Dreams of Desire and Deadmoon but when it comes to visual novels the ones that stick in my head is Tales from the Unending Void by preverteer and Ravager by 4minutewarning.
Hey, I had a critique: I don't recommend allowing the player to set the relationships for characters without really specific information because we don't know who these people will be in your storyline later.
Just saying that someone is "really special to you" isn't enough for determining who they are in relation to the main character. I don't know if they will have dialog later explicitly describing their relationship together or not. I don't know their ages compared to the main character, I don't even know if I live with them or if they are strangers in the intro to the game.
I started reading the actual plot parts of the game and then realized that all my prior choices were wrong because I didn't have any context. Now the dialog is confusing because it turns out that I was naming my parents. I hope I explained this properly. I basically had to restart the game by scrolling back and redoing all of it.
If you have a certain idea in mind like family-related content or something, put that as the default and then have the player decide if they don't like that or not. Then they can change it to their own preference (like renaming mom to landlord, sisters as other tenants, etc. This is similar to how other games handle it).
Anyways, sorry for throwing some criticism at you right away. I'm liking the overall product so far. It's writing can be a bit clumsy here and there, but it's forgivable since it's your first project.
Also, just curious, what 3D program or assets are you using for your scenes?
Thanks I appreciate any kind of genuine criticisms, I apologize for the confusion with the relationship labeling. I will do my best to address this in the next update.
edit- I use Daz 3d studio
edit2- The M.C was kidnapped at the same time the twins were born, so they are both 18. Saeko is only year younger then the M.C. I assure you all characters will never be underage (All of the current female character are all 18 or above), and if any do pop up I will give notice they are underage and they will not have any adult content.
ah thanks for the response. I appreciate your hard work.
What kind of future tags can we expect? Harem? ntr/sharing? Pregnancy? Futa?
Edit* And just to be clear I'm asking the dev what they have planned not what I want.
The only one I can confirm at the moment is Harem, and a very big maybe to pregnancy towards the end of the story. Honestly I don't judge people kinks(You know whatever floats your boat), but NTR as in they M.C getting cucked I won't be doing that (Maybe the other way around M.C cucking someone).Futa don't think I will at the moment, but I wouldn't be against a female using a strap-on on another female. I'll try to have some variety in options in adult scenes, but I do want the scenes to feel like they happen naturally.
Awesome.👍